Occasional Chaos

Tilting

The world was young
when you were born
all clouds and green and
sticky summertime air.

Mischief and marvel
marked the path
the gods had paved
in your name,
leading you far from
the uninspired dreams
of serious grown-ups and
haggyo gyosa.

Still your heart seeks
far-away forests
and thunderstorms
amidst a land much too grey. 

You will find them all, these
earthly treasures that come
from child-like tilting
at rainbows and windmills.

Gdańsk

The days had already grown short
and a stiff wind blew damp air off the Baltic.
Faceless crowds hurried towards their next destination
cloaked in wool and winter’s pressing purpose.

I left my hotel room to join them
mindlessly retracing steps I’d taken dozens of times
past lighted amber kiosks and neon pharmacies
onto the cobbled streets of Stare Miasto.

I’d often end up at Restauracja Gorczycki
baroque décor heavy in the undersized room
fitting just three small tables and one to seat twelve
reserved in vain for a banquet yet to be.

The place was usually empty, and I would take my corner table
dimly lit by a cabaret dancer lamp
shade fringed in burlesque red
a cheeky distraction struggling for precious levity.

The server was a university student
poring over her notes in the intervals between courses
instinctively shifting from studious to amiable
yet guarding most of her energy for her books.

I remembered her name - Kamila -
and with it the way she would float
from her chair by the kitchen to my table
allowing a disarming smile as she arrived.

Regardless of the wine I pointed to
she’d serve Malbec with studied ceremony,
graceful hands embracing bottle and glass.
Maybe she knew better, and I cared not to complain.

This time she was gone, out to challenge the world
spiraling open with promise and peril
leaving me to mourn such a singular fragment
over one last meal at Gorczyckis.

I would not return to Gdańsk for many years;
unlike Kamila’s, my world is contracting.
Sometimes I wonder where she might be, though
to me she was nothing, and she was enough.

Moments

I long for that fleeting moment
breathtaking
perfectly disorienting
just before I realize
I’m falling in love
becoming lost.

I need the rush
junkie-like
to dissolve the edges that
keep me whole
red dye fading
into water.

I want to bleed into you
unrecognizable
as time stands still
yesterday and tomorrow blur
I am here, now
always now.

I cherish them all
past and future
Eros’ burning gifts
for the young and the foolish
the needles still warm
at my veins.

Kabul 2021

Politicians masquerade as
utopians of power
self-interest thinly disguised
as moral righteousness

But the dervish pays no mind
the story has been told
for millennia, and
only the actors change

Would-be king makers again
scurry to escape
under an empty Kabul sky
from which the gods have departed

The Afghan sun will wait
yet another thousand years
the sheep are not there
for the shepherd’s pleasure

Into the Abyss

High above the city
you twisted my fate
I could not look away
so I closed my eyes.

It’s a long, long way
into the well of desire;
you opened your heart and
into the abyss I fell.

The water still reflects
the light of the Moon
forever echoing the Sun’s embrace;
it is here I wish to stay.

Hummingbirds

There are hummingbirds
that dart and float past the salvia
and the trumpet vines that embroider my window

Shy, preferring to remain unseen
  - the bumblebee, the calliope, the green hermit -
I call them all ruby-throated

For they only appear when I’m not looking
sidelong hints of magic and grace
from a close-by perfect world

Sòl

She spoke to me, timidly,
and the world stopped
as I watched her angular words
trip rhythmically from her lips.

I thought of another girl
she too from Buenos Aires
who flitted through my life
in those years of fading innocence.

We drank coffee for hours
happily lost in translation
dreaming now of tonight
and the year we’d then be sharing.

She took me home in the rain
and to bed
earthy scents, salt and heat
pressing through my veins.

Her long dark hair spilled
darkly across my pillow
as she turned her shadowed back 
to an affair that wasn’t to be.